Internets, I have read some awesome books!
Karen, you say, that does not surprise us at all. If you must, you may tell us about them, very quickly. We are a busy internets.
MY LIFE AS A RHOMBUS, Varian Johnson.
BOOK: I am a book about teenage pregnancy and abortion by 1) a man who 2) thanks the Christian God in the acknowledgements.
ME: Divers alarums! Please do not be awful.
BOOK: Actually I am very thoughtful and present teenage sexuality as complex and abortion as an often difficult decision that should be entirely the choice of the affected woman! In between complicated family relationships and lovely banter and discussion about how class affects education in the US. Oh, did I mention I am almost entirely populated by characters of colour?
BOOK: I also have hot make-out scenes.
ME: I like those.
BOOK: AND graphs to illustrate the plot.
ME: Dear book, please be my date to the prom.
BOOK: 1) You are a decade out of high school and 2) You don’t have prom in New Zealand.
ME: SHHH FAKE PROM.
DEAR SWOOSIE, Kate Constable and Penni Russon
ME: I should probably take a break from all these vampire books.
BOOK: In the middle of this very sweet Australian story about two generations of female friendship, I have an extremely hilarious subplot about the two main characters being rumoured to be vampires.
ME: AHAHAHAHAHA, I shall never escape!
BOOK: But you love your captivity.
ME: Indeed I do!
THE OFF SEASON, Catherine Gilbert Murdock.
BOOK: I am the sequel to DAIRY QUEEN, that book about the girl who wants to play American football that you liked so much, not least because she is a jock canonically not adept with words who manages to narrate AS someone not adept with words, which made you swoon in admiration.
ME: HURRAH! In this book, will D.J. hook up with Brian? Will D.J. stay in the team and lead it to VICTORY? Will she help save the family farm?
BOOK: One of those things will happen, sort of. Here, you better read.
BOOK: Are you okay?
ME: But… Win! And… the scholarship! And… oh NO. You are so good! I am so sad!
BOOK: Would you like a tissue?
ME: Got my sleeve right here.
BOOK: Would you like some hot make-out scenes?
ME: *sniff* Yes, thank you.
BOOK: There, there. I have a sequel.