I read an article on The Hairpin and promptly updated my dating profile.

Pick up lines that would actually work on me (hat tip to Mary Cella)

  1. I didn’t want to bother you while you were actually reading, but I see you’ve closed your book and set it down with a satisfied sigh, and I’d love it if you wanted to tell me everything you liked about it in intricate detail, and maybe read the best passages out loud, doing the voices?
  2. I know this is a bit weird, but it’s about to be quiz night at this bar, and my team has people who are great with sports and celebrity culture and geography, but we’re really desperate for someone who can identify books by their first and last lines and knows the name of every Disney villain.
  3. Shoot, the vending machine gave me two Diet Cokes, do you want one?
  4. Hi, I’m the person you bumped into earlier in the elevator and both our papers went everywhere! I picked up some of yours by mistake, and I’ve just got to say, I’ve been reading Leverage fanfic for years, and yours is the best I’ve ever seen.
  5. Hey, baby, wanna come back to my place and discuss Lady Macbeth?
  6. Sorry to interrupt, but can you settle something for me? My friend and I are having an argument about the Mass Effect endings and we’d love some extra input.
  7. Oh, I can’t possibly- dang. Oh, hi! Yes, you. Could you help me eat this cheese?
  8. My last girlfriend broke up with me because I had “too many opinions about Harry Potter” and I probably shouldn’t be even thinking about dating right now but I was really impressed by your podcast performance, so can I buy you a Laphroaig while we talk about Hermione Granger?
  9. GOD. Patriarchy is the WORST.
  10. [to the bartender] Hi, excuse me, I know it’s the Rugby World Cup final, but Clueless is on the other channel, can we switch to it in the ads?
  11. I have some thoughts about the order in which one should read the Vorkosigan series novels. How about you?
  12. Excuse me, I just bought a lot of supplies to donate to the foodbank and the operator gave me all these Little Garden packets. You look like someone who would appreciate some low-stakes gardening.
  13. I’m sorry, you must get this all the time, but your personal style is amazing! Would you like to go op-shopping with me?
  14. This is very forward of me, but do you think we could engage in a consensual ranking of films by Taika Waititi?
  15. This is my labradoodle.